VULCAN MAGAZINE , Autumn 1958
THE FABLE OF THE INSPECTOR AND THE BOLTS
There dwelt in the City of Newt an Inspector of a Factory, and his Chief spake unto him saying:-
Get thee hence and inspect them.
And take micrometers and things that thou shalt need, and gauge them unto within the widenesses off a certain part of a gnat.
For I say unto thee, if thou shalt release them and they be found wanting of strength, then I will tear a strip off thee.
Yea, if the bolts be not properly inspected, then will I cause a great misfortune to fall upon thee.”
And the Inspector who was a sound bloke spake thus:-
“O.K. O Chief. That which is asked for by Drawing and Specification, shalt be done.”
And thus the Inspector departed and journeyed unto the sheddy domain of the maker of bolts who spake unto him saying:
“Here they are Charlie. Want a six-insh-rool?”
“Nay, before I measure them, do command your servants and your hand-maidens, that they may deliver unto me, all the paper-works there-unto related.”
Then there were carried unto him one hundred and fifty-nine scrolls, which were the Release Notes and the Test Certificates for the raw materials and the M.S.L. Certificates of the fiery furnace in which they did heat and treat the bolts, and the Calibration Charts for the hardness machine in which they did test the bolts, and a host of Certificates of Accuracy for the tensile and Izod machines in which they did stretch and smite the test pieces. And there was also brought unto him a dog licence, a copy of the Factories Act and a Pools coupon, which were included amongst the papers in error. And they delivered unto him also many M.S.L. Certificates relating unto the Wick-ham Gauges used upon the Bolts. There were also Certificates of Chemical Analysis and Radiological Reports and Inspection Records and many other reports of strange and wonderful things of which none knew the meaning. And they brought a copy of the order and a set of drawings and a Pyrometer Record Chart which was fifty cubits in length and a multitude of other things too numerous to recite.
And when all these things had come to pass it was the evening of the nine-teenthish day and he made out a release note and inscribed therein all the necessary details. And he signed it and put his stamp upon it, and upon the bolts also.
Then he spake unto the Bolt Maker saying:-
“I do declare this hatch of bolts to be pretty ruddy good. Despatch them forthwith unto the Factory and if they bounce, then I shall eat them without salt.”
But Lo, it came to pass that they were rejected.
They had been fashioned to an Olde obsolete issue of the drawing.
And the grief of the Inspector was terrible to behold.
This text is transcribed by Steven Dowd from original material, published by the Vulcan Foundry Works LTD, 1958
If there are vocabulary errors or spelling mistakes in the transcription i can only apologise, because you can more than likely directly blame me for them.
This transcription, its errors and omissions are my own transcription from the original published text and are copyright steven Dowd, if you plan to use this text on your website, please inform me before use.
©2006 – Steven Dowd